Motherhood

Motherhood in this season feels like a train that jumped off the tracks (my tracks, I should say).  But I believe this journey is God-ordained to bring about all of God's best for each of us.  Day to day, though??  It sometimes feels hard. 

 So let me get real for a minute.  We're 2 1/2 years into living overseas.  It has taken most of my energy to transition our family and help my kids with their process.  I think I'm finally grieving for myself.  This life can feel SO narrow.  And I have never really lived a narrow life.  ALL THE TIME in the US, we'd go to parks (all.the.time), bake for neighbors or sick friends, run to Chick-fil-A for lunch/playground, do last-minute playtimes with friends, go to my parents' house, Mayborn Museum in Waco, the zoo...get in our minivan and do any number of fun things!  My kids went to preschool and then "real" school.    

I'm not exaggerating when I say I haven't driven a car in almost 6 months.  There's not much in this city that sounds fun enough to load up 4 kids in a rickshaw.  So my life just feels very narrow and very lonely (yet never alone with 4 kids) much of the time.  

I really wanted our kids to do sports, to have the "American" life in so many ways.  Not long ago, I was talking to God about it and telling Him, "This isn't the life I wanted for my kids."  And the Holy Spirit answered my heart so kindly, "But they're not your kids."  Oh, so true.  Opening my hands and handing my dreams for these precious kids back to Him...the one who TRULY knows them and knows their future and knows the plans He has for them...plans to prosper them and not to harm them...to give them a hope and a future.  That's where I'm at, folks.  Day by day surrender. 

It's a reworking of my dreams of motherhood and bringing them into alignment with God's plan for us.  I would so value your prayers as I walk this journey of adjustment. 

I know there's a flip side to this...my kids have seen parts of the world and have a worldview that amazes me.  They have many role models around them who are heroes to me and living lives of great courage and obedience.  I KNOW there's blessing and gain in all of this.  Just sharing some of my own personal process in this season.